My love life could be a book, a comedy, but not the romantic comedy type we all love with the happily ever after ending. Nope, mine would consist of stalkers, assholes, married men, panic attacks, and just about every possible variation of a bad first date.
National surveys come out every year ranking New York City the worse possible place for a single woman to find love in the entire country. This 13 mile long island that I’ve decided to call home is apparently the place I should not be looking for love. Alas, I am here and from online dating, to friend hook ups, to random trysts I feel like I’ve dated em all. Here’s a recap of some of my worst dates in recent memory:
– The comedian who within the first 15minutes of our date recounted his suicide attempt and abusive childhood
– The IT tech who visibly shook from nervousness the entire dinner
– The graphic designer who tried to rip my panties off within the first 30 minutes of every one of our five dates
– The banker who literally caused me panic attacks from his over-agressiveness and constant groping. Not to mention our 2nd date conversation which included him asking if we were “one” and announcing that I am his soulmate, no, he was not drunk.
– The tech start-up CEO who talked about himself non stop (he barely took breaths) as he took me on a 3 mile walk around the city. And later told me that I was clearly into games and not serious about dating because I didnt kiss him after our first date. Seriously.
– The celebrity real estate agent who “shh’d” me(hand palm to my face included) when I tried to speak during a group conversation.
– The finance guy who told me I was his girlfriend and proceed to EAT MY FACE aka “kiss” me while explaining that he was never going to let me go now that he’d found ‘the one’.
– The management consultant (whatever that means) who asked me to come to his house for a second date, at midnight, in 1 degree weather, in the worst snow storm of that year. Oh, and he requested that I bring a bottle of red wine as well, because you know, white wine would just be unsophisticated.
As you can see, I’ve dated a colorful bunch. Then there are those who stood me up, revealed they were married or some other plot twist. My most recent adventure includes a guy who according to instagram (that he does not know I’ve seen) is in a loving relationship of two years – he wants to grab drinks tomorrow night.