“Y’see, this is why I don’t date — the men out there are freaks.” ~ Miranda Hobbes

I. Give. Up. Seriously, I must have some “assholes of NYC, come find me” radar. I’ve decided to join a convent and become a nun. Ok, maybe not, but I really am on the verge of swearing off dating for life. Lets start with the basics of my inbox this week…there’s the man who looks like he’s never bathed:

I don't even know where to begin.
I don’t even know where to begin….?!?!?

This man of few words…does this really work for him?

Deeeeep sigh.
Deeeeep sigh.

The copy and paster:

Mass copy and paste messaging must be stopped.
Mass copy and paste messaging must be stopped.

Needless to say, I’ve got no dates scheduled for this weekend. Meanwhile, remember the guy who stood me up for our first date who I discovered had a girlfriend of over two years via Instagram? Yea, he popped up again. The last time I heard from him was when he called to arrange our first date exactly one month ago and then never followed up to confirm a time. I figured he fell off the face of the earth which I was perfectly ok with. He messaged me yesterday saying: “Hey *******, what are you up to tonight?”, I laughed and replied back to him:

You CANNOT be serious.
You CANNOT be serious.

I haven’t heard back. Then, remember Date #1? The one that I actually like of my ‘three dates in 72 hours’? Well, he kinda went MIA after telling me he wanted to go on another date. Then he popped up this week and asked if I’m “around on Thursday?” I told him I was, and his response was : “Cool”….Is that a plan for a date or?! I was slightly confused but figured maybe this is how folks set up dates these days and assumed I’d hear from him with concrete plan by Wednesday. Well, I did hear from him on Wednesday. Wednesday night to be exact:

photo 4So for starters, please don’t refer to me as “hotttie”….but did you just do what I think you just did? Let me know you’re probably gonna cancel on our non scheduled date and make up some lame excuse about maybe feeling sick? I hate them all. Ok, hate is a strong word but I am EXHAAAUUUSSTEEEEED.

#NoSexInTheCity

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3 thoughts on ““Y’see, this is why I don’t date — the men out there are freaks.” ~ Miranda Hobbes

  1. I just have to believe that they are this bad at dating online on purpose. I mean, the first guy? Really? That’s the very best picture ya got? And Copy+Paste guy…just…just don’t. That can’t have ever worked.

    And “hottie” guy? Gross.

    Sometimes I wonder if they really think this is the best approach, or if they just don’t know any other way.

    Either way, I totally sympathize with your frustrations! (as hilarious as they are to read about).

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